Rob's (cricket) Film Review Blog

Hoskins et al - interesting film, bit sad at the end. Something else that is probably a bit sad at the end is England's first test performance. Australia scored over 600 (I bet they would score over 550) and England scored 157 all out ( I bet they would score fewer than 250) then Australia went in and bashed a quick 200/1 - and set England 626 to win. After the first day England are 290-odd for 5 with Pietersen on 96*, Collingwood having scored 96 too. Apart from yesterday Australia won the first three days. Fingers crossed for tonight - but I fear the worst.

Not a description of the Australian changing room, but an hilarious American 'college-romp' starring the wonderful (if stoned) John Belushi, son of an Albanian. What has Albania got to do with cricket I hear you cry? Well, the cricketing colossus CB Fry revealed in 1939 that he had been offered the job of King of Albania. Top, top man. The man was so utterly capable and adept at everything he attempted I can only imagine how immense a celebrity he would have been if he had been around today.

By the way, Mr Fletcher has chosen to go for Jones ahead of Read for the first test. Might as well pick Gilo ahead of Monty - because Monty has no chance of a stumping now.

Toodlepip.

Contained the funniest scence I had ever seen the first time I saw it (the donkey in the lift) though time has not improved it any. However, there is a chap in an MCC tie in the scene where Rick starts to convince Debbie that he hasn't slept with the whores. Accordingly, it gets tons of marks.

Whilst there isn't a shred of cricket in this movie, I wept like a hyperactive child through this movie. Therefore, notwithstanding the cricket, it gets an unusually high 5 stars.

Very funny - but no metions of God's glorious game - the only vague connection I could think of was James Franklinstein, the Kiwi. Often prolific in domestic cricket in NZ, when I watch him he tends to veer from the unplayable to the downright shite. When I saw him play for Glamorgan this summer, he was tending towards the shite.

Indiana Jones and all that. There's a false debate going on in the press at the moment as to whether it should be Chris Read or Geriant Jones as England's keeper for the Ashes. Personally, I think there are better batsmen than both who could keep wicket for England, however I am presently on the side of Chris Read, whose batting has improved markedly in the past couple of years, whilst Geriant Jones relies upon the single ton he got against New Zealand in 2004. Jones' keeping has improved markedly in the past year, and we won the Ashes with him for goodness sake, but Read is averaging around 60.00 in the past two seasons. However, who do you feel happiest coming in at 7? A batsman who keeps, or a keeper who has taught himself how to bat?

I think England's team for the first test should be: Trescothick, Strauss, Cook, Collingwood, Pieterson, Bell, Flintoff, Read, Hoggard, Harmison, Panesar.

The Film? All action: but not a cricket bat in sight - 2 stars.

Less than nothing about cricket - but it is set during the war - and the Germans or the Jews have never been big big cricket fans. The first time I saw this was when I was recovering from general anasthetic following the removal of my four wisdom teeth in 1995. My girlfriend at the time (now my wife) kindly allowed me to bleed over her pillows and looked after me as I recouperated at her flat in Croydon for 3 days. I can't recall too much - post op, but when she went back to work on the second day, she got a load of videos to keep me entertained whilst I drifted in and out of morphine-induced sleep. Imagine me there, lying in bed in excruciating post-op pain, face swollen up to twice its (already a big podgy) size, unable to swallow or to eat, being woken up with the pain, popping two more pills and waiting for them to take effect. I put on the video that has kindly been placed in the machine. Now, I'm not in my normal cheery mood, in fact, to be frank I was a tad depressed: alone in a cold flat in Croydon, miles from home, in agony (have I mentioned the pain yet?) and what film am I watching in 20 minute bursts - is it a happy-go-lucky comedy there to perk me up? No, it is bloody Schindler's List, one of the most depressing films ever made. It didn't help. Not a good choice. I think I was suicidal by the time she got home that night. In she came all bubbly and cheery to find me propped up in bed tears running down my cheeks. "Oh God" she said "Is the pain that bad?", "No", I responded "It's the f***king film".