Rob's (cricket) Film Review Blog

Until I saw the date this was released I was convinced it should be about Hansie Cronje. If I was a film producer (and who can say it won't happen?) the remake would be about Hansie Cronje. I am sorry to sully this website with his name.

I understand there is a vague connection between this and cricket, as apparently the battle noises were generated by hoards of Kiwi Cricket fans during a one day international. From the looks of the scorecard looks as if the Kiwi's had lots to cheer about that afternoon. That said - the film is utter incomprehensible tripe. Much like the books.

I was expecting footage of none other than the Don. I suppose he did only average 97.94 in 1939.
1 star.

This film would have been better if it had been about the perennial job of mid-off - but no. I did drop off during some of it, but it seemed to be Jack Nicholson off-on-one for the latter part of the fim. 1 star.

With a title like this - I anticipated a film about Viv Richards, or Kevin Pietersen at least. Instead we get a tale about a hairy bloke in Rome. Now the only reason it gets a star is that I subsequently discovered that the lead actor, Russell Crowe, is the cousin of Jeff and Martin Crowe who were very much part of New Zealand's golden era. What a team they had in those days: Wright, Edgar, Reid, Rutherford, Coney, Hadlee, Bracewell, Lees, Gary Troup, Ewan Chatfield, Martin Snedden, Stephen Boock, the list goes on... Jeremy Coney was one of my favourite players. I recall watching him playing against England I think it must have been in 1986. I can't really remember which test (or one-dayer?) it was but I recall that the ball was swinging markedly and Coney was exploiting it to its fullest. Certainly one of the most enjoyable spells of bowling I have ever seen. Coney was swinging it so much, I swear he was starting the ball off pointing towards point before it ducked back in. I don't think I have ever seen a ball do so much in the air. It was truly a joy to watch. As it happens Jeremy Coney is also my favourite commentator. If he is doing TMS, pray for rain, so that he can regale us with some of his tales from the golden era.

Martin Crowe, by the way, was truly world-class. Russell Crowe looks as if he is a one-trick pony, I bet he swings across the line in a cow-corner type hoik. If you pitch it up full and straight I bet you'd get him every time.

No cricket. Story about a load of middle-aged WI women who raise money for a worthy cause by taking their kit off and posing for a calendar. If you ask me it is a rip-off of a real news story I recall a few years ago where some WI women raised money for a worthy cause by taking their kit off and posing for a calendar. This is Women's Institute by the way, not West Indies. Speaking of which the West Indies have just walloped Bangladesh in the Champions Trophy.

I've had a shit day: England have lost 2-0 to Croatia. Engine stopped working in car in fast lane of M25, not good. The Mrs can't get the wireless connection working. The boy got 10/10 in his spelling test though, so it's not all bad news.

Oh, and by the way someone told me that if you put the phrase "Paula Radcliffe pissing" on your website your hits will shoot up at a rate of knots. Let's see shall we?

Long film about space and that. One of the actors is called Ed Harris, which brings to mind the oddball kiwi Chris Harris. Possessor of a very mediocre test record, he is none the less prolific in New Zealand cricket and more famous for his slow-medium dinky-doo inswingers in one day cricket. Oh, and he bowls off the wrong foot and out of the back of his hand too. The very reason he is effective (very effective in domestic) one-day cricket is the very same reason that he is wholly unthreatening on the test stage. 1/10 for the film.

Must admit, I had been drinking when I watched this - so I can't recall too much about it, other than it was amusing in places. Definitely no cricket though, disappointingly. Again.

The only tenuous links I can think of is to Paul Hutchison (different spelling to Ken's I know) who for some time was a very promising left-arm seamer with Yorkshire, but whose career has been beset by injury, meaning that he has only made 62 first-class appearances in 10 years. He is on his third county now (Middlesex).

There was a time in the dark days of the nineties when the England selectors would try a new left-arm seamer for the sake of 'variety', each season. This meant that players like Mike Smith, Simon Brown, Paul Taylor, Alan Mullally and Mark Ilott (see below) were tried for a few or just a single test, to prove their (in)ability, before being dumped back into county cricket You could even add Ryan Sidebottom to that list, though not strictly in the dark days perhaps.

Accordingly, it was only a matter of time, under the previous regime, that Jason Lewry of Sussex would get a go, and Paul Hutchison would have been next in line I'm sure.

The 'variety' of attack thing used to wind me up. If your best four bowlers are all right-arm seamers, why weaken the attack by playing a left-armer, just for the sake of variety? Richie Benaud, always used to say "do what the opposition wants least"; not playing your strongest team surely falls into this category.

However - if the best four bowlers in England were all left-arm seamers, what chance is there that the selectors would have chosen all four? Oh no, they would have had to go for a 'balanced' attack. I used to have this argument with my mate Ed at the Oval every year.

Quite a good film about a bloke who gets put in prison because he killed his wife. He gets out.

Robert Croft lists Shawshank Redemption as his favourite film. I think that's the only link. Strange player Croft. I always thought he was a much better test bowler than his figures suggest. He is definitely Mr Glamorgan and has been a good captain even though the team is in dire straits. I actually quite like the guy - he has never been afraid to put his balls on the line for his side, but like many 'English' finger spinners, he does okay on turning pitches, but struggles for wickets on a flat track because of lack of variation or accuracy. Hence the average of 36.20. I think his one day record is excellent, though, for a spinner - I think his one day record would be excellent, even if he couldn't bat, but to have also hit four 1 day tons and 31 half centuries deserves full credit. Had forgotten he played so many ODIs in England's dark days. No 50s or 100s in 50 matches says more about how he was used than his batting I think.

He also made us chuckle when he announced his retirement from International cricket when he wasn't in the side anyway. My friend Ed, who has never troubled the England selectors also announced that he was retiring from international cricket at the same time.

My favourite Crofty moment of all came when he threw his toys out of the pram with Mark Ilott, another passionate cricketer (and good friends with Crofty too I think) in a NatWest semi-final in the nineties. I think it was the closest to a proper ding-dong on a pitch we ever had though in all fairness it was largely handbags. If it had developed into a proper fight then Croft (the welshman) would have maimed Ilott (Watford pussy).

Ilott was another player whose Test career would have been completely different had he been playing for England now, rather than 10 years ago. But that's another story...

Not a thing about Darrel Hair in this one. 1/10.

On another matter - in the past and probably to most people the phrase "real custard" brings a little joy into their heart at the thought of a tasty "sauce anglaise". In our household however (and I have been married 10 years) it strikes fear into my heart with the thought of 20 minutes scrubbing the pan with a brillo pad. Does anyone else's wife burn custard?