Sunday, November 26, 2006
Mona Lisa (1986) *
Hoskins et al - interesting film, bit sad at the end. Something else that is probably a bit sad at the end is England's first test performance. Australia scored over 600 (I bet they would score over 550) and England scored 157 all out ( I bet they would score fewer than 250) then Australia went in and bashed a quick 200/1 - and set England 626 to win. After the first day England are 290-odd for 5 with Pietersen on 96*, Collingwood having scored 96 too. Apart from yesterday Australia won the first three days. Fingers crossed for tonight - but I fear the worst.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Animal House (1978) **
Not a description of the Australian changing room, but an hilarious American 'college-romp' starring the wonderful (if stoned) John Belushi, son of an Albanian. What has Albania got to do with cricket I hear you cry? Well, the cricketing colossus CB Fry revealed in 1939 that he had been offered the job of King of Albania. Top, top man. The man was so utterly capable and adept at everything he attempted I can only imagine how immense a celebrity he would have been if he had been around today.
By the way, Mr Fletcher has chosen to go for Jones ahead of Read for the first test. Might as well pick Gilo ahead of Monty - because Monty has no chance of a stumping now.
Toodlepip.
By the way, Mr Fletcher has chosen to go for Jones ahead of Read for the first test. Might as well pick Gilo ahead of Monty - because Monty has no chance of a stumping now.
Toodlepip.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Bachelor Party (1984) ******
Contained the funniest scence I had ever seen the first time I saw it (the donkey in the lift) though time has not improved it any. However, there is a chap in an MCC tie in the scene where Rick starts to convince Debbie that he hasn't slept with the whores. Accordingly, it gets tons of marks.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Borat (2006) *****
Whilst there isn't a shred of cricket in this movie, I wept like a hyperactive child through this movie. Therefore, notwithstanding the cricket, it gets an unusually high 5 stars.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Young Frankenstein (1974) **
Very funny - but no metions of God's glorious game - the only vague connection I could think of was James Franklinstein, the Kiwi. Often prolific in domestic cricket in NZ, when I watch him he tends to veer from the unplayable to the downright shite. When I saw him play for Glamorgan this summer, he was tending towards the shite.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) **
Indiana Jones and all that. There's a false debate going on in the press at the moment as to whether it should be Chris Read or Geriant Jones as England's keeper for the Ashes. Personally, I think there are better batsmen than both who could keep wicket for England, however I am presently on the side of Chris Read, whose batting has improved markedly in the past couple of years, whilst Geriant Jones relies upon the single ton he got against New Zealand in 2004. Jones' keeping has improved markedly in the past year, and we won the Ashes with him for goodness sake, but Read is averaging around 60.00 in the past two seasons. However, who do you feel happiest coming in at 7? A batsman who keeps, or a keeper who has taught himself how to bat?
I think England's team for the first test should be: Trescothick, Strauss, Cook, Collingwood, Pieterson, Bell, Flintoff, Read, Hoggard, Harmison, Panesar.
The Film? All action: but not a cricket bat in sight - 2 stars.
I think England's team for the first test should be: Trescothick, Strauss, Cook, Collingwood, Pieterson, Bell, Flintoff, Read, Hoggard, Harmison, Panesar.
The Film? All action: but not a cricket bat in sight - 2 stars.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Schindler's List (1993) *
Less than nothing about cricket - but it is set during the war - and the Germans or the Jews have never been big big cricket fans. The first time I saw this was when I was recovering from general anasthetic following the removal of my four wisdom teeth in 1995. My girlfriend at the time (now my wife) kindly allowed me to bleed over her pillows and looked after me as I recouperated at her flat in Croydon for 3 days. I can't recall too much - post op, but when she went back to work on the second day, she got a load of videos to keep me entertained whilst I drifted in and out of morphine-induced sleep. Imagine me there, lying in bed in excruciating post-op pain, face swollen up to twice its (already a big podgy) size, unable to swallow or to eat, being woken up with the pain, popping two more pills and waiting for them to take effect. I put on the video that has kindly been placed in the machine. Now, I'm not in my normal cheery mood, in fact, to be frank I was a tad depressed: alone in a cold flat in Croydon, miles from home, in agony (have I mentioned the pain yet?) and what film am I watching in 20 minute bursts - is it a happy-go-lucky comedy there to perk me up? No, it is bloody Schindler's List, one of the most depressing films ever made. It didn't help. Not a good choice. I think I was suicidal by the time she got home that night. In she came all bubbly and cheery to find me propped up in bed tears running down my cheeks. "Oh God" she said "Is the pain that bad?", "No", I responded "It's the f***king film".
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Unforgiven (1992) *
Until I saw the date this was released I was convinced it should be about Hansie Cronje. If I was a film producer (and who can say it won't happen?) the remake would be about Hansie Cronje. I am sorry to sully this website with his name.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) no stars
I understand there is a vague connection between this and cricket, as apparently the battle noises were generated by hoards of Kiwi Cricket fans during a one day international. From the looks of the scorecard looks as if the Kiwi's had lots to cheer about that afternoon. That said - the film is utter incomprehensible tripe. Much like the books.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
The Wizard of Oz (1939) *
I was expecting footage of none other than the Don. I suppose he did only average 97.94 in 1939.
1 star.
1 star.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
The Shining (1980) *
This film would have been better if it had been about the perennial job of mid-off - but no. I did drop off during some of it, but it seemed to be Jack Nicholson off-on-one for the latter part of the fim. 1 star.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Gladiator (2000) *
With a title like this - I anticipated a film about Viv Richards, or Kevin Pietersen at least. Instead we get a tale about a hairy bloke in Rome. Now the only reason it gets a star is that I subsequently discovered that the lead actor, Russell Crowe, is the cousin of Jeff and Martin Crowe who were very much part of New Zealand's golden era. What a team they had in those days: Wright, Edgar, Reid, Rutherford, Coney, Hadlee, Bracewell, Lees, Gary Troup, Ewan Chatfield, Martin Snedden, Stephen Boock, the list goes on... Jeremy Coney was one of my favourite players. I recall watching him playing against England I think it must have been in 1986. I can't really remember which test (or one-dayer?) it was but I recall that the ball was swinging markedly and Coney was exploiting it to its fullest. Certainly one of the most enjoyable spells of bowling I have ever seen. Coney was swinging it so much, I swear he was starting the ball off pointing towards point before it ducked back in. I don't think I have ever seen a ball do so much in the air. It was truly a joy to watch. As it happens Jeremy Coney is also my favourite commentator. If he is doing TMS, pray for rain, so that he can regale us with some of his tales from the golden era.
Martin Crowe, by the way, was truly world-class. Russell Crowe looks as if he is a one-trick pony, I bet he swings across the line in a cow-corner type hoik. If you pitch it up full and straight I bet you'd get him every time.
Martin Crowe, by the way, was truly world-class. Russell Crowe looks as if he is a one-trick pony, I bet he swings across the line in a cow-corner type hoik. If you pitch it up full and straight I bet you'd get him every time.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Calendar Girls (2003) *
No cricket. Story about a load of middle-aged WI women who raise money for a worthy cause by taking their kit off and posing for a calendar. If you ask me it is a rip-off of a real news story I recall a few years ago where some WI women raised money for a worthy cause by taking their kit off and posing for a calendar. This is Women's Institute by the way, not West Indies. Speaking of which the West Indies have just walloped Bangladesh in the Champions Trophy.
I've had a shit day: England have lost 2-0 to Croatia. Engine stopped working in car in fast lane of M25, not good. The Mrs can't get the wireless connection working. The boy got 10/10 in his spelling test though, so it's not all bad news.
Oh, and by the way someone told me that if you put the phrase "Paula Radcliffe pissing" on your website your hits will shoot up at a rate of knots. Let's see shall we?
I've had a shit day: England have lost 2-0 to Croatia. Engine stopped working in car in fast lane of M25, not good. The Mrs can't get the wireless connection working. The boy got 10/10 in his spelling test though, so it's not all bad news.
Oh, and by the way someone told me that if you put the phrase "Paula Radcliffe pissing" on your website your hits will shoot up at a rate of knots. Let's see shall we?
Monday, October 09, 2006
Apollo 13 (1995) *
Long film about space and that. One of the actors is called Ed Harris, which brings to mind the oddball kiwi Chris Harris. Possessor of a very mediocre test record, he is none the less prolific in New Zealand cricket and more famous for his slow-medium dinky-doo inswingers in one day cricket. Oh, and he bowls off the wrong foot and out of the back of his hand too. The very reason he is effective (very effective in domestic) one-day cricket is the very same reason that he is wholly unthreatening on the test stage. 1/10 for the film.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Starsky and Hutch (2004) **
Must admit, I had been drinking when I watched this - so I can't recall too much about it, other than it was amusing in places. Definitely no cricket though, disappointingly. Again.
The only tenuous links I can think of is to Paul Hutchison (different spelling to Ken's I know) who for some time was a very promising left-arm seamer with Yorkshire, but whose career has been beset by injury, meaning that he has only made 62 first-class appearances in 10 years. He is on his third county now (Middlesex).
There was a time in the dark days of the nineties when the England selectors would try a new left-arm seamer for the sake of 'variety', each season. This meant that players like Mike Smith, Simon Brown, Paul Taylor, Alan Mullally and Mark Ilott (see below) were tried for a few or just a single test, to prove their (in)ability, before being dumped back into county cricket You could even add Ryan Sidebottom to that list, though not strictly in the dark days perhaps.
Accordingly, it was only a matter of time, under the previous regime, that Jason Lewry of Sussex would get a go, and Paul Hutchison would have been next in line I'm sure.
The 'variety' of attack thing used to wind me up. If your best four bowlers are all right-arm seamers, why weaken the attack by playing a left-armer, just for the sake of variety? Richie Benaud, always used to say "do what the opposition wants least"; not playing your strongest team surely falls into this category.
However - if the best four bowlers in England were all left-arm seamers, what chance is there that the selectors would have chosen all four? Oh no, they would have had to go for a 'balanced' attack. I used to have this argument with my mate Ed at the Oval every year.
The only tenuous links I can think of is to Paul Hutchison (different spelling to Ken's I know) who for some time was a very promising left-arm seamer with Yorkshire, but whose career has been beset by injury, meaning that he has only made 62 first-class appearances in 10 years. He is on his third county now (Middlesex).
There was a time in the dark days of the nineties when the England selectors would try a new left-arm seamer for the sake of 'variety', each season. This meant that players like Mike Smith, Simon Brown, Paul Taylor, Alan Mullally and Mark Ilott (see below) were tried for a few or just a single test, to prove their (in)ability, before being dumped back into county cricket You could even add Ryan Sidebottom to that list, though not strictly in the dark days perhaps.
Accordingly, it was only a matter of time, under the previous regime, that Jason Lewry of Sussex would get a go, and Paul Hutchison would have been next in line I'm sure.
The 'variety' of attack thing used to wind me up. If your best four bowlers are all right-arm seamers, why weaken the attack by playing a left-armer, just for the sake of variety? Richie Benaud, always used to say "do what the opposition wants least"; not playing your strongest team surely falls into this category.
However - if the best four bowlers in England were all left-arm seamers, what chance is there that the selectors would have chosen all four? Oh no, they would have had to go for a 'balanced' attack. I used to have this argument with my mate Ed at the Oval every year.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Shawshank Redemption (1994) **
Quite a good film about a bloke who gets put in prison because he killed his wife. He gets out.
Robert Croft lists Shawshank Redemption as his favourite film. I think that's the only link. Strange player Croft. I always thought he was a much better test bowler than his figures suggest. He is definitely Mr Glamorgan and has been a good captain even though the team is in dire straits. I actually quite like the guy - he has never been afraid to put his balls on the line for his side, but like many 'English' finger spinners, he does okay on turning pitches, but struggles for wickets on a flat track because of lack of variation or accuracy. Hence the average of 36.20. I think his one day record is excellent, though, for a spinner - I think his one day record would be excellent, even if he couldn't bat, but to have also hit four 1 day tons and 31 half centuries deserves full credit. Had forgotten he played so many ODIs in England's dark days. No 50s or 100s in 50 matches says more about how he was used than his batting I think.
He also made us chuckle when he announced his retirement from International cricket when he wasn't in the side anyway. My friend Ed, who has never troubled the England selectors also announced that he was retiring from international cricket at the same time.
My favourite Crofty moment of all came when he threw his toys out of the pram with Mark Ilott, another passionate cricketer (and good friends with Crofty too I think) in a NatWest semi-final in the nineties. I think it was the closest to a proper ding-dong on a pitch we ever had though in all fairness it was largely handbags. If it had developed into a proper fight then Croft (the welshman) would have maimed Ilott (Watford pussy).
Ilott was another player whose Test career would have been completely different had he been playing for England now, rather than 10 years ago. But that's another story...
Robert Croft lists Shawshank Redemption as his favourite film. I think that's the only link. Strange player Croft. I always thought he was a much better test bowler than his figures suggest. He is definitely Mr Glamorgan and has been a good captain even though the team is in dire straits. I actually quite like the guy - he has never been afraid to put his balls on the line for his side, but like many 'English' finger spinners, he does okay on turning pitches, but struggles for wickets on a flat track because of lack of variation or accuracy. Hence the average of 36.20. I think his one day record is excellent, though, for a spinner - I think his one day record would be excellent, even if he couldn't bat, but to have also hit four 1 day tons and 31 half centuries deserves full credit. Had forgotten he played so many ODIs in England's dark days. No 50s or 100s in 50 matches says more about how he was used than his batting I think.
He also made us chuckle when he announced his retirement from International cricket when he wasn't in the side anyway. My friend Ed, who has never troubled the England selectors also announced that he was retiring from international cricket at the same time.
My favourite Crofty moment of all came when he threw his toys out of the pram with Mark Ilott, another passionate cricketer (and good friends with Crofty too I think) in a NatWest semi-final in the nineties. I think it was the closest to a proper ding-dong on a pitch we ever had though in all fairness it was largely handbags. If it had developed into a proper fight then Croft (the welshman) would have maimed Ilott (Watford pussy).
Ilott was another player whose Test career would have been completely different had he been playing for England now, rather than 10 years ago. But that's another story...
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005) *
Not a thing about Darrel Hair in this one. 1/10.
On another matter - in the past and probably to most people the phrase "real custard" brings a little joy into their heart at the thought of a tasty "sauce anglaise". In our household however (and I have been married 10 years) it strikes fear into my heart with the thought of 20 minutes scrubbing the pan with a brillo pad. Does anyone else's wife burn custard?
On another matter - in the past and probably to most people the phrase "real custard" brings a little joy into their heart at the thought of a tasty "sauce anglaise". In our household however (and I have been married 10 years) it strikes fear into my heart with the thought of 20 minutes scrubbing the pan with a brillo pad. Does anyone else's wife burn custard?
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Born Free (1966) *
Lions, jungle, Africa, all sorts going on, seemed a bit soppy - to think that 30 years later Kenya would slay the mighty West Indies in the World Cup - a West Indies team with Ambrose, Walsh, Richie Richardson, Ian Bishop and a little known player called Lara. It also contained Roger Harper, one of my favourite players. I once saw him flay Middlesex for 7 x 6s and 6x 4s at Uxbridge in 1985, including a one-handed six over third-man off a Wayne Daniel beamer. Oh, happy days. He made Daniel toil that day, but Middlesex had the last laugh and whopped us by an innings. I seem to recall Flash Cowans was on a hat-trick and who should come in: one of cricket's all time worst batsmen Jim Griffiths. Griffiths kept him out for the hat-trick, but then was run out for a rare high score of one. Griffiths is in that select category of players who have taken more wickets than they have scored runs.
Roger Harper was a world-class fielder too, possibly the finest ever groundfielder. In a neat twist, he is now Kenya's coach.
Flash Cowans had played his last test for England before he was 25. Ironically, when he dropped his pace he became one of the finest exponents of seam bowling in England at the time, and at a time when the England team was crying out for such a player, Cowans was ignored. I defy anyone to prove to me that the England selectors of the day actually went and watched any matches and assessed the players rather than picking the team from the averages published in the Times.
Oh, yes - the film, 1 star, for some nice pictures of lions.
Roger Harper was a world-class fielder too, possibly the finest ever groundfielder. In a neat twist, he is now Kenya's coach.
Flash Cowans had played his last test for England before he was 25. Ironically, when he dropped his pace he became one of the finest exponents of seam bowling in England at the time, and at a time when the England team was crying out for such a player, Cowans was ignored. I defy anyone to prove to me that the England selectors of the day actually went and watched any matches and assessed the players rather than picking the team from the averages published in the Times.
Oh, yes - the film, 1 star, for some nice pictures of lions.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) *****
At last! At last! A mention of cricket in a film - not a lot, just a couple of lines, but TMNT managed what Casablanca, It's a Wonderful Life, and Citizen Kane didn't. I would give it 10/10, but I have just sat through 93 minutes of utter drivel, so I'll knock 5 off - thus 5/10.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Casablanca (1942) 0 stars
A plot more confusing than a tax form written in Hungarian. The film would have been greatly improved with a tour of how cricket grounds were being utilised during the war. The Oval, for example, was used as a PoW camp. Hence: 0/10
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Annie Hall (1977) *
Wes Hall was an athletic, fearsome fast bowler in the days of uncovered pitches and no arm-guards or helmets. Annie Hall couldn't even frighten Peter Visser into submission. 1/10
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
My Left Foot (1989) *
The title of this suggested that it might be an incisive study into English Cricket's perpetual no-balling problems in the 1980s. I couldn't have been more wrong. 1/10.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Monty Python's Holy Grail (1975) **
Amusing film. I thought it lacked the smack of leather against willow, and the gentle flutter of applause. 2/10.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Chicago (2002) *
Was it a musical? No mention of Botham's 1981 Ashes, not a sausage about Compton's 3000 runs in 1947. Bizarre. I nodded off after 5 mins, but was assured that the phrase "Warne has added another flipper to his armoury" was not uttered. 1/10.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
It's a Wonderful Life (1946) 0 stars
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
A Fish Called Wanda (1988) **
Palin, Cleese, Klein, Lee Curtis - would have preferred Holding, Garner, Marshall, Roberts. Not a cricket ball in sight. 2/10.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Marathon Man (1976) **
This movie should have starred Trevor Bailey, Boycs, Tavare and Hanif Mohammed. But no, it was Dustin Hoffman being pursued by Laurence Olivier pretending to be a nazi dentist. not bad though, hence the two stars. 2/10.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
2001: A space odyssey (1968) *
Amazing to think this was made in 1968 - the season Geoff Boycott topped the Yorkshire averages with 77.23 - when the next best averaged only 33! There is no mention of this in the film though.
Couldn't work out what on earth (or in space) was going on at any point. Gets a star though for some nice space pictures.
Couldn't work out what on earth (or in space) was going on at any point. Gets a star though for some nice space pictures.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
The Godfather II (1974) 0 stars
I think there was more to be had cricket-wise here than some mafia related tale. To be fair, I did nod off for most of it, so if there were cricket bits in there I missed them. The bits I saw did not mention cricket or even WG Grace at all. Grace was possibly the single most important factor in making cricket England's summer sport - in over 800 games he scored over 50,000 runs and took 2809 first class wickets at 18.14. He was the 'Godfather' of our national summer sport, but Francis Ford Coppola missed this point entirely. Perhaps I should have watched Godfather I first?
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Wedding Crashers (2005) ***
Quite funny in parts this - though reference to Graham Gooch's 333 against India in 1990 would have ensured a much higher score. 3/10.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
The Matrix (1999) *
I thought there was an outside chance of a discussion of Abdul Qadir's career (236 test wkts @ 32.80) I was sorely disappointed. 1/10.
Friday, September 08, 2006
The Horse Whisperer (1998) 0 stars
I sat down. I watched. I fell asleep. I woke up. I went home. 0/10.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Flash Gordon (1980) *
I was rather hoping for a movie showing the highlights of Gordon Greenidge's career (test average 44.72 with 19 centuries) but this sci-fi movie fell well short. In their defence, Greenidge had only played 30 tests by 1980 - so a career highlights package would have been too soon. 1/10.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Pirates of the Caribbean (2003) **
The title looked promising. A missed opportunity though. No mention of the majesty of Viv Richards, the swash-buckling Gary Sobers, the brutality of Walcott, the sheer class of Lara, or the blood-curdling ordeal that is the whispering-death of Michael Holding. And I couldn't work out who the hero is supposed to be. 2/10.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Tango and Cash (1989) *
Lots of guns and shouting. Not a cover drive in sight. 1/10.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Citizen Kane (1941) *
Not a mention of cricket in this so-called classic. Poor.
